How to find the right people for your tribe

How to find the right people for your tribe

Who are you surrounding yourself with?

BY Margie Warrell, 7 min READ

Few things are more precious than having people in your life who’ve got your back.

People you feel safe to share a dream with or confide a struggle. People who will cheer you on when the going is tough or challenge your thinking when doubt creeps in. People you don’t have to pretend with.

You know the kind.

Wonderful, big-hearted people whom you can trust. Deeply.

Yet ironically enough, despite having technology that enables us to be more connected to more people than ever before, many people feel less connected and more alone.

It’s why we have to be really intentional about investing in truly meaningful, real and authentic relationships. The kind that requires lowering our masks, stepping away from our smart phones, opening our hearts and laying our vulnerability on the line.

The old-fashioned kind.

The truth is that mastery of life is not a solo endeavour. When you surround yourself with supportive people who believe in you and your ability, it creates a psychological environment for you to dare bigger, accomplish more and bounce back faster than you ever could otherwise.

Which begs the question: Who are you surrounding yourself with? Here are three ways you can build the kind of tribe you need to thrive on your journey through life. Just be aware, they each will require you to be brave and put yourself ‘out there’ in some way.

1. Be someone others want to hang out with

How you show up in the world impacts who shows up in yours. So be intentional about showing up as the kind of person you want to attract into your orbit. How can you expect to attract positive, proactive and authentic people if you’re not that way yourself? You can’t.

Constantly complaining won’t attract go-getters. Wearing a carefully curated social mask won’t attract free spirits. Being unwilling to take a risk won’t win the friendship of trailblazers. Being frugal with your money won’t attract big-hearted people who live in abundance—or it might, but they won’t hang around for long.

However, if you’re genuinely committed to living an authentic life that elevates those around you, you’ll not only build a rich network of wonderful relationships. They may not always be perfect photo-shopped relationships, but they’ll be real ones.

2. Prune your social tree

If you’re committed to never settling for less than the biggest life you can live, you’ll inevitably outgrow some of the relationships you make along the way. That doesn’t mean you don’t care about the with whom people you’ve shared a season of your life. Perhaps many. It simply means that continuing to spend more time with them is limiting your future.

If you can’t share your wins with the people around you, feel like they don’t care or won’t celebrate them with you, then it’s time to find people who will. Whatever you do, don’t dial yourself down to avoid disapproval. Downplaying your achievements and downsizing your goals so as not to intimidate people just makes everyone smaller. Besides, you’ll never appease those who measure their worth based on others’ success.

So if the people in your tribe right now aren’t pulling for you, it might be time to create space for people who will. As I write in Brave, sometimes you have to “prune your tree” to create space for better relationships to grow.

3. Hang out where cool people gather

Amazing people might serendipitously walk into your life, but you have to do your bit to land yourself in there’s. It’s why, when I was given the opportunity to join a group of Business Chicks on their first Necker Island trip, I just said yes and decided to figure out the ‘how’ later.

I’m so glad I did. Sure, spending time with some of the world’s most successful entrepreneurs was awesome. Yet perhaps even more valuable were the friendships I made with some incredible women who have become a fabulous cheer squad for me and each other.

So figure out where the kind of people you want to hang out with spend their time and go there. Join a club, attend a lecture, get yourself to the Business Chicks conference, come to my Live Brave Weekend or sign up for the Hunger Project immersion program.

The more time you spend in places that have conversations about the things that matter to you, the more people you’ll meet who will also matter.

In the end, you shape your tribe and your tribe shapes you. Either way, make sure it’s for the better. Your life is too short and your gifts too precious to spend time with people who aren’t bringing out your best.

Margie Warrell is Premium member and the author of Make Your Mark: A Guidebook for the Brave Hearted (currently available in Kikki K stores). She is hosting her Live Brave Women’s Weekend again this May. Enter BizChicks for 15% off registration. Connect with Margie here.  


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